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[anger]

One of my biggest problems (vanity aside) is being amused by form, most often without understanding the substance. Granted, this is sometimes useful because I have to have enough initial interest in a subject to even try and get at the substance. More often, though, it serves the purpose of making me more fun to talk to or has no purpose at all (so I claim). My attempts at analysis are childish and insignificant, and I am ashamed of them; this is mostly why my LJ is just a collection of links. That, and me being lazy, but the latter I'm fine with in this context. I have no creativity and I don't have enough actual knowledge to be better at analyzing and understanding. Much pain, much frustration. Another thing - too often for my own liking, I try to appear more sophisticated than I am by keeping silent; don't bother telling me it doesn't work, I know. Me and my desire to look intelligent have some issues to discuss as soon as we acknowledge each other's presence. Yet another thing. Why the HELL am I doing the things I am doing? Even when I study, I do it passively, often without seeing any "big pictures" whatsoever. I will forget most things that I ever studied anyway, so WHY?
I would say more about this, but I accidentally remembered Gunther Pleasureman (I should re-watch the videos when I get home) and cannot keep it up.
Kthxbai.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
name_less_one
Jul. 12th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
... And I wonder if everything I do
I do
instead
of something I want to do more?
The question fills my head.
I know there's no grand plan here,
This is just the way it goes.
And when everything else seems unclear,
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy
it brings
cause I'm a joyful girl...

--Ani Difranco
fiesta_sta
Jul. 12th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC)
i like that kind of anger. wakes you up, moves you around. it's pride talking, i think... there is nothing to be frustrated about, be glad you can still be angry at yourself
:)
alexakarpov
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:34 am (UTC)
wakes you up, moves you around

Wakes up from what - and into what?

I'm asking seriously.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC)
hmm... wakes you up from an illusion we call life and into a new parallel reality to which only the chosen ones have access... what did you think?
;)
fiesta_sta
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:39 am (UTC)
that was me :)
alexakarpov
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:41 am (UTC)
Not very convincing, I'm afraid.
fiesta_sta
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
i was being ironic, just a little bit, but if you are serious about this subject matter and wish to be convinced :
i'm sure the things are not half as bad as the author of this live journal entry pictures. but when things are all right, there is no reason to move in any direction - you are fine where you are, therefore if things are fine in general, and yet a person feels that they could be better that means that he or she are going to elaborate and grow even more in any direction of their choice :) for example: this anger can motivate to start learn actively, taking personal interest in the subject and the process of learning :)
jeez, after this passage I am tired! what was the purpose of this exercise again?
;)

alexakarpov
Jul. 12th, 2007 01:57 am (UTC)
I'm sorry )
be_unafraid
Jul. 13th, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
pride?
fiesta_sta
Jul. 14th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
"My attempts at analysis are childish and insignificant, and I am ashamed of them;" where is shame there is pride
you probably think that you can do better or should be able to do better or something like that, or nothing like that, i have no clue really, cheers
:)
be_unafraid
Jul. 14th, 2007 08:39 pm (UTC)
I don't think that's pride, but I see what you mean :)
aka_nazgul
Jul. 12th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC)
А, может, тебе стоит поискать чуть более "твоё" место и занятие в жизни? Многим помогает...
alexakarpov
Jul. 12th, 2007 07:48 pm (UTC)
Точно. Пусть станет Оруженосцем! =]
ex_neo_is_fl156
Jul. 12th, 2007 06:14 am (UTC)
Being self-critical is actually a pretty good feature ;)
be_unafraid
Jul. 12th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC)
:)
be_unafraid
Jul. 12th, 2007 06:48 am (UTC)
Hey! I found squirrels!
parudox
Jul. 12th, 2007 12:53 pm (UTC)
Pretty much. =)
(Deleted comment)
be_unafraid
Jul. 13th, 2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
The value of intelligence is also a question.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )